So I don’t know if any of you have noticed this new ad campaign that Just Born is doing with their star product, Mike and Ikes, but here’s the short version: They’re using the huge amount of politically-driven and international public discussion over gay marriage in an ad campaign in which the obviously non-existent Mike & Ike candymen (or whoever the imagineers at Just Born are imagining they are) can’t agree on some shit and are breaking up, causing them to scratch out one of their names on each box (Run on sentence, ho!).

So, this is supposed to appeal to “young people.” I’m a young person and since they’ve started this campaign I haven’t bought a box. I’ll tell you why: It’s a pretty common (and more often than not, true) stereotype that gay guys (like me) have had and still continue to “enjoy” lots of short and unsatisfying relationships interspersed by incredibly unbearable dry spells and in the one candy that is represented by not just one name or vague meaning but two very male first names, (that remind me that someday, somehow, in some far off land; I’ll meet the man of my dreams. The man that doesn’t make me want to … you know, claw my eyes out) and below those names, printed very clearly, “Original. Fruits.”

You hurt me, you hurt me real deep, Just Born. I hope capitalizing off of a very real and emotional issue is helping your candy sales. I’m sticking to M&Ms until you take those silly scribbles off your boxes. The world’s gays deserve better than this. If you’re going to make money off of our snowballing march towards equality and victory over global hate, at least give us a kickback.

I wonder how many people would come out of the closet if Mike & Ike gave every US gay $500? …

Read an actual article about this here.